(Thusly named as I have many layers, am rotund and also smell.)
It came to my attention recently that the domain name you’re visiting to read this stuff had expired. By “came to my attention” I really mean “I was looking to send someone a link to something and I discovered I had ads at that address”.
This, more than anything, was a reminder that I haven’t written anything much here for a while, which is not a Good Thing, especially as I was trying to become a little more regular. Luckily, the domain was still in the grace period following cancellation, so I was able to bring it back from the dead and provide all this quality content to you fine people once more.
The thing that weirded me out is that during the renewal process, I discovered that this domain is old enough to have had a 21st party. I’ve been plugging stuff into this address – first through Blogger and then, lately, through WordPress – for more than two decades, and close on half my life.
I’m not entirely sure what that says about me. Probably nothing good. But it’s something I’ve stuck to, even if the original version of this site – the Bloggie-nominated (one time only, I assure you) |lukelog| – is consigned to the digital bin of history, probably for good reason. It’s weird, though, to think about purchasing this domain name when I lived in a flat in Kilburn Park, London, and organised the layout and everything else myself. It’s a link with a me who also isn’t me, and it’s strange to think about that guy, given how far away he is in time and difference. Things are unrecognisable, frankly, and I wish I could send an email back to that guy in the flat and tell him that things will get better, and, more importantly, that you will get better.
Anyway, it seemed like an anniversary to note. Happy birthday, silly site. Now you should be old enough to remember to renew yourself.
So what else has occurred in the interim since I last wrote? Well, I’m still playing Destiny 2, because apparently I lack the wherewithal to cease questing for incrementally fancier in-game duds. And I’m in a bit of a reading slump, because the two books I’m concentrating on – the Bible and William Gaddis’ The Recognitions – are both enormous tomes. I suppose there’s a certain element of setting yourself up to fail by tackling two titles such as these at once, but I am enjoying the Gaddis at least, even though I am feared of the author’s nous, and though I make generous use of this explanatory compendium.
The problem (at least with the Gaddis) is less the content and more the desire. I’m finding it difficult to muster the energy to take a run-up at a long reading session for it. I’ve tended to read it in two- or three-hour chunks, and those are a lot more difficult to slot into the day than novels with shorter chapters. It’s a certain tiredness, I guess, that probably stems from the world in general this year but it is a bummer to note that my reading goals are slipping further from perfect as the year goes on.
I’m probably not alone in this kind of funk. I have promised myself a bunch of shorter books to read once I knock one of these over, so who knows – maybe tomorrow I’ll pull a uni-style reading shift and cross ’em off. But man, it’s been unnaturally difficult of late.
Of course, there’s other reasons, I suppose. There’s been a lot on, and a lot of change in my personal life. Recently, my childhood cool uncle – my mother’s only sibling – died, and it was one of those uncomfortable reminders of mortality, especially as he was younger than both of my parents. I’ve been stewing a little on it, because as an adult I suspect I am quite similar to him, or at least I recognise some of the same characteristics. And of course, the inescapable fact of both my parents’ and my own future death come bubbling up to the surface and – well, I guess you know how those go.
That said, there have been some fantastic stuff as well. I was married not so long ago. If you find the right person, I honestly recommend it, largely because it offers you the opportunity to have cake for dinner and to hang out with someone decent most of the time. If you get it right – and I know that after a long time, I certainly appear to have done so – it’s properly good.
The upshot of all this? There isn’t one, really. Sometimes things you like are difficult, and sometimes shitty things happen. But if you can hold on to the good things, well, that’s good enough.